A celibate couple have revealed exactly what they wish they knew about having sex before tying the knot and spending their first night together.
Paul and Morgan Olliges got married back in 2016. And before then, they were both committed to a lifestyle of celibacy, where they didn't have sex before getting married.
The Christian couple, who are from the United States and have a child together, regularly post to their YouTube channel about their lifestyle and how it fits in to a modern world where religion isn't as prominent across all social activities and groups.
Advert
One video saw them sit down to reveal the big questions they wish they had the answers to before sleeping together for the first time, given the stumbling blocks they encountered along the way.
Lower those expectations at the beginning
For Paul and Morgan, this was a little different to many people who might have sex for the first time after briefly getting to know each other. They were married, meaning their relationship was already far more complex and layered.
"Once you get married...don't expect the sexiness and the adventuresome, crazy awesome stuff to go from zero 100 right out of the gate," Paul said.
Advert
"Realise that is going to take some time and if I had realised that before getting married I wouldn't have brought out the whipped cream on our honeymoon. It was a bad idea it made Morgan cry."
Morgan said: "We're like three days into our marriage in Miami, Florida on our honeymoon and he brings out a can of whipped cream and I'm like [wide eyed]."
He replied: "In my mind it was - 'I'm finally married now I welcome everything into our sex life let's go wild' - and Morgan's like, man, let's take this slow."
Paul said it would be wise to have a chat about this before the wedding night if you're in a situation similar to them.
Be an open book
Talking honestly and open about sex with each other, and how it is for both of you.
Advert
Morgan says: "If you think that you've communicated about sex you probably haven't communicated enough about sex. There are times when Paul and I are making a video or talking to one another, or to another couple, and I'm like 'our sex life is great'.
"And Paul's like 'well, it's good but...' and I'm like 'wait what I thought we were good, I thought we were on the same page'."
"When you think you've communicated enough, communicate more," Paul says.
Read up on sex - but do it carefully
As with any topic, you should be taking what you read about sex with a pinch of salt.
Advert
Paul said: "Be careful what sex books and articles you read. There's a lot out there and for certain intrigued personalities - I'm a virgin, I was homeschooled, I'm super excited about sex and I would like to be somewhat prepared for it - so I'm thinking what can I digest pre-wedding night.
"In my mind I justified some things that I shouldn't have frankly because I want to be ready for this, I want to be able to offer myself and not be completely clueless. "It caused me to have these expectations because I maybe I was just grabbing and reading an article about sex from whatever, Cosmopolitan in the store.
"A lot of it is setting expectations at don't need to be there because who you're going to end up with is very unique and sometimes they paint things in a broad brush and get you super excited and stoked when that's not actually the reality of what your special beautiful sex life is going to be."
More than just a physical act
"Sex can mean two very different things to each of you," Morgan said.
Advert
"For him, it could mean a physical moment of intimacy that brings a very nice release a stress tension. For me it could mean a time to connect in a very intimate way, where before the physical you want the relational, the conversation, the cuddling and that actually means more to you than the actual act of sex okay."
She explained that the 'physical act of sex' sometimes 'doesn't mean that much... unless I have the relational, interaction with Paul beforehand whether we're just cuddling on the couch watching a TV show before we go to the bedroom'.
"Something that is not a very sexual thing but just a connecting thing, so that I feel like we're on the same page and then I feel much more connected to him and the physical act becomes much more pleasurable for me," Morgan said.
It's not just all about sex
Similar to above, sex isn't everything in a relationship that has got to the stage of marriage.
Morgan said: "Sometimes sex just doesn't do it for you, and that's okay. So you have to communicate that you want to be loved in other ways to make sure you are getting pleased as well.
"There are times when sex just you know it felt good and I enjoyed being with my husband in that way but it's not what I need right now to feel loved.
"Sex is just one part of marriage, it's a it's a big part, but it's just one part and a lot of other things go around."
Sometimes sex happens when it happens
Paul said: "Sex, or expectation to have it... and then you get ready and the night is moving towards that - and something happens, you might get in a fight - for me, sex or lack of is very emotional."
What he alludes to is the idea that sex should be this thing that's always on the table just because you're married when, in fact, that's not how the world works.
He said: "I remember I would be laying over on my side of the bed and we had gotten an argument and it was like - 'okay it's pretty clear that sex isn't happening' - when I thought it was going to.
"And it was just brutal; I don't get the feeling that it hits you as hard because there would be times when I was laying there and I was just like, 'okay Morgan's mad at me or something happened, we're not gonna have sex'. I was expecting it... it hits you in a way that I don't think I'd ever experienced.
"The feeling of being let down of sad of upset... I just want to go get in my car and just drive, I just wanna not be here. I'm angry, so many emotions because it's a combination of sex is just so pleasurable but it's also so intimate and so beautiful and suddenly that's being taken away."
Featured Image Credit: YouTube / @PaulandMorganTopics: Sex and Relationships, US News, Viral, Weird, YouTube, Dating trends